I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
