the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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