Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
