I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize