I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
