i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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