I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
