Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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