I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
