careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
