Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh god it's open bar.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
