sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found your dick twin last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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