I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
