she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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