there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
