I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
