Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
