but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
