i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
