chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why can't burritos get me drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
