Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
