1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
