i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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