You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
