remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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