Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
