I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
porn star boner night. come get it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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