Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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