So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
