This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
