and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if only i could text you this smell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
