So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
