I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
