u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize