My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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