I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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