The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize