I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
