Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ttyl tear gas
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
