lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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