wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
