Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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