I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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