Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
