We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
