So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
