You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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