I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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