So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am naked and annoyed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
