in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
