you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
