I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
babies were throwing up all over the place
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize