I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
