you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
