I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
