There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
