Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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