He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Where did you get a picture of my penis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
