A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
