it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
