Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dick very happy bro
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
