areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
