M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
