You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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